Nov 13

Watch out, Kardashians: the Wahlbergs are coming after you with their burgers

Tag: blinkboxblinkbox @ 9:44 am

American cable network A&E has announced that from January 2014 they will be airing Wahlburgers, a Boston-set reality series centred on a fledgling hamburger franchise owned and run by the Wahlberg family.

If the show delivers on its promises, it will see Mark and Donnie return to Beantown to help their brother Paul open up another location of their upscale bar and fast food joint. Also along for the ride is their mother Alma (who we imagine is just like Melissa Leo‘s character from The Fighter) and members of Mark’s original entourage. That’s right: the real life Johnny Drama is going to be up in this (burger) joint!

If you’re thinking this might be a meta-take on the reality genre, and that there’s no such thing as Wahlburgers, then you really need to check out their website.

If anything, our main complaint is that their restaurant is a little too classy. Apart from some tenuous bits of wordplay (try clicking on the ‘Wahl’s New’ section), the menu is disappointingly low on puns.

I mean, c’mon! If we owned a Wahlberg-themed restaurant, we’d be serving:

  • Boogie Bites – chicken nuggets made from 100% white meat
  • The Lovely Bones – half-rack of baby back ribs marinaded in baked bean juice
  • Good Thighbrations – Grilled Teriyaki chicken thighs with brown rice on a bed of lettuce
  • I Heart Duck and Peas – Confit de canard served with fresh garden peas
  • Planet of the Grape Trifle – 3 indulgent layers consisting of vanilla custard, sponge cake and artisan grape jelly, topped with hand-whipped cream.
  • New Kids on the Coq au Vin – a whole chicken slow-cooked in 2 litres of Jordan Knight’s signature Cabernet.

Get on it, boys! If you need any more ideas, you know where to find us.

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