Today in Cultural Decline news: Disney have announced a cinematic re-release of their 1989 musical The Little Mermaid… but with an awful dystopian twist.
Instead of sitting silently in the cinema and just enjoying the story like some sort of Luddite, you can now “bring your iPad with you to the special screenings of The Little Mermaid to interact with the film, play games, sing along, find new surprises and compete with other audience members.”
After all, there’s nothing quite like bringing your kids to the cinema so they can watch a film out of the corner of their eye while they paw gormlessly at their tablets just like the do for the remainder of their waking hours.
How has it come to this?
Can a cartoon full of talking crabs and incredible songs not keep a child engaged for 80 minutes anymore without a tablet being somehow involved? Will we be heading to the Royal National Opera next year for an interactive production of Tosca where we rate the characters’ hotness with an Android app?
This is surely madness.
Go home tonight, dear friends, and hug your remaining stack of VHS tapes.
The writing is on the wall and the message couldn’t be any clearer: movies are going the way of the dinosaur.