From a generation of Australian actors that seems to be starring in absolutely everything, Clarke has become the go-to guy in Hollywood for film roles that have been turned down by Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, Guy Pearce, Liam Hemsworth, Joel Edgerton, Sam Worthington and any other Hemsworth brother who’d care to take a crack at it. All joking aside, his break-out performances last year as a bootlegger in Lawless and as a world-weary CIA torturer in Kathryn Bigelow’s manhunt epic have sent him rocketing to the top of casting agents’ wishlists. And for good reason too.
Directed by Cloverfield’sMatt Reeves, the sequel will hopefully follow the tone set by RotPotA in telling a compellingly humane story that’s supported by state-of-the art effects and not the other way around. It’s uncertain what Clarke’s role will be, but considering the studios general reluctance to cast against type, it’s probably safe to say that he’ll play a bootlegging monkey torturer on the trail of chimp leader Caesar — the Osama bin Laden of hyper-intelligent primates.
There were a number of scathing reviews published in the papers last week — a number of them for cynical Hollywood films the likes of the latest Die Hard sequel and a movie that looks an awful lot like a Twilight rip-offs. But the poison pen of British film journalists were really put to work with Run for Your Wife, an independent comedy starring critical martyr Danny Dyer.
Once, known for appearing in genuinely good Brit flicks (Human Traffic, Borstal Boy) has crafted his career into a parody of other hard-geezer actors. His films with Nick Love, while really silly, formed some of the highlights of his career — or so we’re led to believe by the unintentionally hilarious DVD commentary for Outlaw (very NSFW).
But as badly as his gangster films were reviewed, none of them can hold a candle to the critical panning received by Run for Your Wife, a throw-back comedy that sees a bigamist cabbie (Dyer) who tries to make sure his two wives never find out about each other. Based on a popular stage play from the early 80s, it has the kind of story that doesn’t really fly anymore on account of how dimly it perceives women.
With the help of his mate Neil Morrissey, Dyer carries on with his shenanigans that involves deceiving wives Denise van Outen and Sarah Harding, two women that his character claims to love. You can tell that the was devised three decades ago, as it labours under a premise that a black cab driver can afford the rent on two separate properties within London’s Zone 2.
Neil Morrisey sits on a cake!
Danny Dyer steps on a rake!
Four people chase each other around a table!
Someone tries to escape from a building using bedsheets tied together! You know, just like in real life!
The only remarkable thing about this film seems to be the number of cameos from aged British celebs: Rolf Harris, Russ Abbot, Ray Winstone, Cliff Richard and even Dame Judi Dench! The late Richard Briers also has a credit, though it may not be the way he would have wanted to finish his career.
Here is just a sampling of the film’s critical notices:
The Guardian: “Connoisseurs of the British thespian scene from 30 years ago are likely, however, to have precisely the same response as those who do not recognise any of these people: an overwhelming desire to buy an old-fashioned town-gas cooking appliance in which one’s head will fit snugly.”
Time Out: “The result is not so much a film, more a nerve-shredding flashback to the darkest days of pre-PC British comedy, a time when chappies were cheeky, gays were terrifying and women divided their time between nagging and shrieking. Run for the exit.”
Total Film: “it’s one long, laughter-averse ordeal studded with D-listers short of panto work.”
Even the culture-destroying Daily Mail slammed it, though presumably that is less to do with the quality of film as much as their sub-editors’ inability tie a ‘Dyer’ pun into anything positive.
And indeed, a little investigation reveals what must an interesting story behind the scenes.
The film was co-directed by Ray Cooney, who adapted his own play for the screen. However, he is an 80 year old man whose only feature credits as a director were a pair of saucy Carry On type comedies from the 70s.
I suspect that modern audiences will be entirely unfamiliar with his writings at least is for the script to What a Carve Up!, another sex-com that provided a significant reference point in Jonathan Coe’s great novel of the same name.
Cooney is however, a veteran of the British stage which would explain how he got so many big names to put in cameos for for free. But his advanced age might also explain why he chose Danny Dyer to play a role originated on stage by Bernard Cribbins, the lovable voice behind the Wombles. Anybody who’s seen a film in the past 10 years knows that Dyer’s acting range only stretches to playing total c***s.
Listed as an Executive Producer is Vicki Michelle, the actress best known as Rene’s sexy waitress in ‘Allo ‘Allo — a great show that shares this film’s appreciation for hilarious misunderstandings and humorously concealed sausages. We can only hope that Michelle didn’t sink all her ‘Allo ‘Allo residuals into this lousy investment. That would be just the saddest thing ever.
UPDATE: The Guardian has reported that Run for Your Wife grossed £602 at UK box-offices this weekend which means -at an average of £6 a ticket- only about a hundred people ponied up the cash to see Danny Dyer cheekily ruining the lives of two unsuspecting women.
It’s a big week here at blinkbox. We’ve seen the release of Skyfall, the biggest film at the UK box office ever that sees Daniel Craig take 007 into his second half century in style. With the help of Oscar winning director Sam Mendes, Craig stars in perhaps the most complete and thematically James Bond film ever. It has everything any action fan could wish from a movie: thrilling chases, bone-crunching fights, a devious villain and, of course, beautiful women.
In addition to Skyfall’s release, we’re proud to present the entire official James Bond back-catalogue for the first time on blinkbox. From Sean Connery’s iconic debut as 007 in Dr No through the Roger Moore years, we’ve got just about everything that the Bond completist needs. To commemorate this exciting moment, we’ve put together a short list of our top Bond Girls: the classy sexy women who have been burning up the silver screen for the past fifty years, seducing audiences all around the world.
We knowyou’ve got all got your favourites, but these five are the first inductees to the blinkbox Bond Girl Hall of Fame:
Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress) – Dr NoBoth an blessing and a curse, Swiss actress Ursula Andress had the distinction of being the very first Bond girl, a title that has cast an enormous shadow across the rest of her career. And being the foremost member of an elite club, she also benefited from one of the most iconic film entrances of all time. While audiences never got to hear Andress’ real voice in Dr No (her Swiss accent proved too thick and she was dubbed by actress Nikki van der Zyl), Bond fans will ever forget the moment she emerged from the Ocean in the film’s most memorable scene…
Teresa di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg) – On Her Majesty’s Secret ServiceAs the last woman who managed to make an honest man of 007, Diana Rigg’s Contessa Teresa “Tracy” di Vicenzo has become a perennial favourite amongst Bond fans all over the world. The daughter of a European crime lord, she captures Bond’s heart in a whirlwind European romance in exotic locations like Portugal and The Alps. At the end of the film, Tracy becomes the first and only Mrs Bond only to be ruthlessly gunned down by Bond’s arch-nemesis, Blofeld. While On Her Majesty’s Secret Service was roundly criticized upon its release for the replacement of Sean Connery with inexperienced actor George Lazenby, the film has since been accepted as one of the very best in the franchise, thanks in no small part to the charms of Diana Rigg.
Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) – GoldfingerWhen she first introduces herself to 007 aboard Goldfinger’s private jet, James Bond can barely believe his eyes and ears. A tough pilot with one hell of a name, Pussy Galore is nominally an employee of precious metals magnate Auric Goldfinger. Tasked with leading her ‘Flying Circus’ of sexy lady-pilots on an illegal mission to dump nerve gas over Fort Knox, she’s soon encouraged to abandon this task thanks to Bond’s powers of persuasion. Like Diana Rigg, Honor Blackman had made her name as the co-lead on TV’s The Avengers opposite Patrick McNee‘s John Steed. And like Rigg, she provided much inspiration to an entire generation of young British men.
Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh) – Tomorrow Never DiesIn a film largely remembered for the wrong reasons (underwater drill, Jonathan Pryce’s campy villain) Tomorrow Never Dies features the first female character that could go toe-to-toe with Bond and even best him in a fight. As Colonel Wai Lin of the People’s Liberation Army, Michelle Yeoh is sent undercover to recover stolen Chinese technology. Realising that she has an ally in a certain roguish MI-6 agent, Lin teams up with Bond to take down Jonathan Pryce’s ridiculous submarine-oriented plan to grab ratings. While thoroughly professional and utterly deadly, Wai Lin is still a woman — meaning that she’s almost certainly going to sleep with Bond before the final credits roll.
Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) – Casino RoyaleWith the gritty reboot that came in the form of Casino Royale, the Bond franchise also found itself a new breed of Bond girl, albeit one that recalls so many of her forebears. Played by French actress/model Eva Green, she’s a Treasury employee assigned to provide Bond with the entry fee to a high stakes poker tournament. However, we soon discover that she may have some motives of her own. Green has the look of a perfect Bond girl with her smoky eyes and cut-glass cheeks, but her performance is vulnerable and quietly tortured: the perfect reflection of Daniel Craig’s equally tormented James Bond.
After over half a decade of speculation and casting rumours, we started to believe that the sequel to Sin City was never going to happen. Directors Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller said they were working on a script as early as 2006 but in the intervening years, they’ve kept themselves busy on a number of other projects.
Rodriguez made another Spy Kids film, co-created Grindhouse and directed it’s spin-off movie Machete, starring Danny Trejo. Miller –a living legend in the comics industry– went on to direct The Spirit, an adaptation of a beloved Will Eisner comic that flopped at the box office. He also spent a good chunk of the late 2000s realising his vision of a graphic novel in which Batman takes down Al-Qaeda all by himself. When DC refused him the rights and Miller published his own thinly-veiled Dark Knight rip-off, it became apparent how appallingly right wing he had become.
However, in late 2011 Roriguez announced that the script was finally completed with the help of William Monaghan (The Departed), which somehow resulted in another 12 month period before production actually commenced. No doubt this time was used wisely to allow artisans to lovingly craft the ornate green screens used in the picture.
Anyway, via his twitter feed, Rodriguez unveiled the first images from the set of Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (as it’s officially titled). As you can see, it shows Josh Brolin holding a fake steering wheel, looking suitably Tommy-Lee Jones-ish. Seriously though: after Men in Black 3, it will be tough to see him in any other light — not saying that’s a bad thing, necessarily.
It’s been announced that Brolin will be playing Dwight, a character played in 2005′s Sin City by Clive Owen; in the mythology of the books, the character at some point had plastic surgery to elude his past. Brolin actually plays the pre-surgery younger version, if that makes any sense. Needless to say, he’s still a bad-ass who don’t take no s**t from neither gangsters nor deadly prostitutes.
Rodriguez also quickly doctored up a version of what the image might look like in the final film:.
And here’s a quick photo touch up I do to set a tone for the actors. (Probably won’t be raining in final movie) twitter.com/Rodriguez/stat…
Look – this is Britain’s biggest box-office hit ever. It’s perhaps the strongest entry in one of the most beloved film franchises, directed by Oscar-winner Sam Mendes and filmed by Roger Deakins — perhaps the most sought after cinematographer in the world. Add to that Daniel Craig’s muscular take on Agent 007 and Javier Bardem’s creepy cyber-villain and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster picture you simply cannot avoid. The film’s few critics have accused it of not being faithful to the tradition of Bond, aping the Bourne franchise instead. But if your concept of a proper Bond film is invisible cars, ridiculous villains and space lasers, then you can always re-watch Die Another Day.
The residents of a dilapidated London tower block are trapped inside their building when a mysterious sniper starts picking them all off. Inhabitants Sheridan Smith, Russell Tovey and Jack O’Connell are going to have to use their wits and get along if they’re going to survive the onslaught. It’s a simple set-up that is reminiscent of siege films like Attack on Precinct 13, but also there are also certain shades of The Raid in the dimly-lit corridors and a lot of Attack the Block with its combination of action and social commentary.
Hit & Run
As low budget action-comedies go, this film from writer/star/co-director Dax Shepard certainly has a killer cast — comprised of his girlfriend Kristen Bell and what is presumably their Hollywood pals. Shepard plays a former getaway driver whose time in witness protection is brought to an abrupt end when his gang mates catch up with him. Fearing for their lives, he and Bell have to go on the run from an assortment of characters played by Bradley Cooper, Tom Arnold, Beau Bridges and Smallville’s Michael Rosenbaum. Sporting an oily wig and gaudy shirts, Cooper shows the sort of acting range that led to his Oscar nomination. As he has proven, he can play both handsome men and not-entirely-handsome men!
Fall of the Essex Boys
In 1995, two high-level drug barons and their driver were gunned down in their Range Rover outside Chelmsford. This movie is the fourth British gangster flick to be made about this incident, with Essex Boys, Rise of the Footsoldier and Bonded by Blood having come before it. It investigates how gangsters Patrick Tate and Tony Tucker rose to power (answer: selling drugs) and what ultimately led to their downfall (answer: selling drugs). In short, kids, don’t sell drugs.
Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
If you didn’t get enough of kooky European musclemen Dolph Lundgren and Jean Claude Van Damme in last year’s Expendables 2, here’s your chance to get a second helping. Reprising their roles from the original Universal Soldier movie, they play a pair of government super soldiers who have gone rogue and killed the wife of British martial artist Scott Adkins (in the movie, not in real life). If you think that modern action films don’t have enough kickboxing for your taste, Day of Reckoning could very well be your joint.
Scooby-Doo and The Mask of the Blue Falcon
Another entry in the always-reliable Scooby-Doo straight-to-video series sees the Gang follow a mystery that involves the Blue Falcon and Dynomutt, a crime-fighting duo that actually had their own cartoon show back in the 70s. Kids will love it and parents will get a hit of nostalgia from the fact that Shaggy still wears bell bottoms decades after they went out of fashion. Fun fact: Matthew Lilliard from Scream starred in the live action Scooby-Doo as Shaggy, a role he continues to voice in this movie!
American High School Teen Party
Don’t be fooled by the combination of words in the title: this is not the new film from the American Pie franchise. It’s obviously trying to cash in on the name by casting Tara Reid in a supporting role but that deception doesn’t mean it can’t also be a lot of sexy fun. The set-up is pretty simple: a high school senior breaks into his principal’s house in the middle of the day and uses it as the venue for the biggest party of the year! There’s a surprisingly strong cast that includes Norm Macdonald, Back to the Future’sLea Thompson and director Ron Howard…‘s brother, Clint. Plus, there are a lot of pretty young girls in swimsuits liberally sprinkled throughout the film. If you enjoy looking at cleavage – go no further!
A Liar’s Autobiography
Based on Graham Chapman’s comical memoir, this animated film is a Monty Python reunion of sorts — not that there’s ever been a shortage of Python reunions. Co-directed by Terry Jones’ son Bill, it sees the surviving gang (minus Eric Idle) voice a number of characters alongside Chapman’s own reading of the audio book. This factually incorrect memoir might shed little light on the man himself but it is an entertaining reminder that one of our country’s brightest comic talents was lost to us too early.
A couple of weeks ago we had Cupid Dog, about an adorable pooch that helps humans find love! This week we have Angel Dog who is not actually a ghost, but a mutt who instinctively knows how to rally round people in times of grief! When human man Jake is bereaved by the loss of his wife in a terrible car crash, he begins to forge a relationship with Cooper, a hobo dog who helps him to cope with the obvious sadness. This family movie deals with some serious issues but don’t worry, there’s a lot of cute animal action in it as well!
For a movie that’s yet to come out at all, the story of 21 & Over is getting very interesting indeed. Or should we say ‘the story behind21 & Over‘…
From the writers of The Hangover, the movie is a college party flick that sees prodigious Chinese-American student Jeff Chang being taken out by his pals for a night of uninhibited debauchery. Of course, by the end of it all, he will undoubtedly discover that he needs to let loose every now and again enjoy life. That would be the story… unless you live in China, of course.
The Los Angeles Times reported yesterday that in an initiative between Relativity Media and a ‘consortium of Chinese companies’ (which doesn’t sound ominous at all) in which partial funding for the film would be exchanged for a significantly different cut of the film. And by significant we mean that there’s an entirely different plot now.
According to co-writer Jon Lucas the film in China will be ” a story about a boy who leaves China, gets corrupted by our wayward, Western partying ways and goes back to China a better person.” Instead of being a celebration of youth, the film would now also be a humorous indictment of American excess.
This isn’t the first time that a Hollywood film has caved to demands from the Chinese film market. From the censorship of Kate Winslet‘s boobs in Titanic to removal of ‘offensive material’ from Men in Black III, studios have always catered to the needs of Chinese audiences. But now that it’s becoming apparent that the Middle Kingdom has become a viable source of funding, studios are willing to bend over backwards to tailor their films for an Eastern audience.
In the Chinese cut of Looper, the sequences set in Shanghai were considerably longer, giving more screen time to Chinese actress Qing Xu, who only has a fleeting appearance in the American cut. The upcoming Iron Man 3 is partially a co-production with Asian media giants DMG Entertainment that saw production move to China in exchange for funding, distribution rights and the casting of a well known Chinese actor.
The size of the film going population in that country is perhaps too big to ignore now and studios are becoming acutely aware of laws limiting the number of foreign films that can be released in the country every year. If they want to access a market of over a billion people, they know that they’re going have to relinquish a little creative control.
As co-writer Scott Moore puts it: “when it’s released in China and they dub it, they sort of get to change whatever they want. I think it just comes with the territory — if you want to release it in China, they get to spin it however they want.”
21 & Over arrives at cinemas on the 29th March but the Chinese cut will be likely be floating around on pirated DVD a week before that. So at least you’ll have the choice.
It seems like there isn’t a day that goes by without there being another piece of X-Men news. And in pretty much every single case, the news has been positive. In today’s mutant casting news, returning director Bryan Singer announced that Game of Thrones star Peter Dinklage would be joining what is already an enormously starry cast.
Following on from X-Men: First Class, the sequel Days of Future Past involves multiple timelines, which naturally led to the cast of the original trilogy being brought on board: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ellen Page and Anna Paquin are just the tip of the iceberg in this cavalcade of mutants! Although he’ll be surrounded by some of the biggest names in cinema, Dinklage is in no danger of being being lost in the crowd. His scene stealing performance in Game of Thrones has shown him to be one of the most charismatic actors working today, proving that he’s capable of shining even in the largest of ensemble casts.
Dinklage returns in Game of Thrones this April. If you haven’t seen the first two series yet, check it out here on blinkbox and see why he’s become one of Hollywood’s most exciting new stars.
A quarter of Brits planning to woo their partners this Valentine’s Day with a movie-inspired romantic gesture
blinkbox creates world’s first aphrodisiac popcorn to spice up Valentines movie date night
LONDON - Lara Croft and Captain Jack Sparrow have been voted Brits’ ideal Valentine’s Day fantasy movie companions according to research that involves hard facts and rigorous peer review.
According to these findings, athletic action woman Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) from Tomb Raider won the hearts of British men, scooping 21 per cent of the votes, while granny-pants wearing career-girl Bridget Jones (Renée Zellweger) came in a surprise second place with 18 per cent. Scarlett Johansson’s flame haired, leather-clad take Black Widow in Avengers Assemble also set some pulses racing with the super-spy placing third, taking 15 per cent of the votes.
British females opted for a more rugged look with the quick-witted Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Pirates of the Caribbean sending hearts a flutter with 25 per cent of the votes and smooth-talking Danny Ocean (George Clooney) from Ocean’s Eleven coming a close second with 21 per cent. Matt Damon’s amnesiac government agent, Jason Bourne, from The Bourne Identity and Robert Pattinson’s brooding vampire, Edward Cullen, from the Twilight trilogy placed third and fourth, pipping popular ladies’ man Ryan Gosling to the post, who came in fifth for his portrayal of womaniser Jacob Palmer in Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Breaking down the results here, we can see a pretty upsetting trend. While gents are tending towards female characters with big racks, women would prefer to spend an evening with men that society deem as ‘bad guys’. Ryan Gosling’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love manipulates women and discards them; Jason Bourne is a mentally unstable killer; Edward Cullen is over a century old (and a killer); Danny Ocean has spent a considerable amount of in prison; and Captain Jack is A PIRATE!
In short: women LOVE criminals.
The research also revealed that Brits really do want love like in the movies, with nearly a quarter (22 per cent) stating that they plan to make a big romantic gesture towards their loved one this Valentine’s Day taking inspiration from a movie scene. And it seems that the 16 – 24 year-old demographic are the most romantic, with 31 per cent of them wanting to express their feelings in this way.
Women voted for the moment dance heartthrob Patrick Swayze lifts up Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing as the romantic scene they’d most like their partner to re-enact for them, gaining 30% of the votes. This was followed by the “to me you are perfect scene” from Love Actually (21 per cent), the moment when Richard Gere climbs the fire escape in Pretty Woman (17 per cent) and the iconic pottery scene between Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost (16 per cent).
British males opted to go back to the 1970s with the moment Bo Derek jogs along the beach in her yellow bikini in 10 voted as the scene they’d most like their partner to re-enact for them (25 per cent). However, the survey didn’t indicate how these men expected their partners to run in extreme slow motion without the aid of high-speed cameras.
This was followed closely by the iconic and seductive shot of Mena Suvari covered in red rose petals from American Beauty (18 per cent) and the moment when Uma Thurman and John Travolta dance the twist in Pulp Fiction (16 per cent).
With the research revealing the nation’s penchant for movie-inspired romance, blinkbox is playing Cupid this Valentine’s Day by creating the world’s first aphrodisiac popcorn to spice up the classic movie date night.
Lights, Popcorn, Action! is a heady combination of three powerful aphrodisiacs – ginseng, ginger and chocolate – and a limited edition sample run has been made in partnership with gourmet French popcorn company Cheeky Frog.
Popcorn guru Antoine Gourdon from Cheeky Frog comments: “Studies have shown that ginger and Ginseng root are powerful aphrodisiacs. Ginseng has an earthy and bitter flavour to it which is perfectly offset by the spiciness of the ginger and the richness and creaminess of the chocolate. Chocolate contains serotonin, a chemical that makes the brain happy, leading to affectionate behaviour, as well as phenylethylamine, a chemical associated with love.”
Those who follow us on Twitter and want to put the aphrodisiac qualities of the playful popcorn to the test, can get their hands on some by tweeting @blinkbox with details of who they’d share it with & why from 10am on 7th February until 12th February.
There are loads of romance films that come out every year, especially around Valentine’s Day. As a nation of cinephiles, we just can’t get enough of movies dealing with matters of the heart. In fact, there are very few studio films these days without romantic subplots. Michael Bay has certainly never made a film in which the guy doesn’t get the girl at the end.
But what is it that separates your average romantic film from an all-time classic? Sure, the writing needs to be good and the direction has to be well-measured. And if the actors don’t have any chemistry, then we’re hardly going to believe the story either.
But there’s one thing that all great film romances have in common: relatability. If people can recognise something familiar in the relationships they see on screen, the stories start to take on a new dimension. If a couple can finish watching a film and say “those two are just like us”, you can bet they’re onto something special.
So which movie couple are you and your partner most like? Take a peek through our special Valentine’s guide and discover your Hollywood love equivalents!
Guys:are you a cynical man’s man in a self-imposed exile, perhaps nursing a broken heart?
Gals: do you believe yourself to be both impulsive and idealistic, often caught between passion and your desire to defeat Nazis?
If so, you might be Rick and Ilsa from Casablanca!We’re sorry to be the bearer of bad news but despite the fact that yours is a relationship that burns with the passion of a thousand suns, it is one that’s ultimately doomed to fail. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but one day…
Guys: did you grow up believing that you’d never truly be happy until the day you met the one. Did this belief stem from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie ‘The Graduate’?
Gals: do you have a pragmatic view of relationships that has developed since the disintegration of your parents’ marriage despite the fact that all men seem to have a crush on you?
If so, you might be Tom and Summer from (500) Days of Summer! You might be having a good time now but if you ever do split up, it’ll work out fine for both of you – the girl will have no trouble finding a successful husband while the guy will have no trouble falling in love with the next girl to show him the slightest bit of attention!
Guys and Gals: are you a happily settled couple whose lives are held prisoner by the demands of your pet dog? Are your evening plans regularly cut short so that you can go home and let the pooch out? Have your friends stopped calling you because they’re fed up of only going to dog-friendly establishments?
If so, you might be John and Jennifer from Marley and Me!Your loved ones all resent how you treat your dog like a member of the family. On top of that, it’s been almost a year since you spent the night out together without calling one of your idiot mates to dog sit. Solution: wait for the dog to pass away. Once Fido’s dead, you’ll be left with only fond memories and a lot of free time to go salsa dancing!
Gals: are you an overly defensive harridan who refused love at every turn until a special someone won you over with a grand demonstration of affection?
Guys: were you paid by a relative stranger to woo your current girlfriend for the express purpose of allowing him to hit on her younger sister?
If so, you might be Patrick and Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You!Now look, girls — there are worse things in this world than having a relationship built upon lies. Sure, he only pretended to like you as part of a secret financial transaction. But at least he’s got nice hair, right?
Gals and Guys: are you a long-term couple? Have you found yourselves growing away from each other? Has your relationship deteriorated to the point where you can’t even remember why you got together in the first place? Would you consider having your memories of each other removed in a highly experimental medical procedure?
If so, you might be Clementine and Joel from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!You can do and say whatever you like to each other this Valentine’s Day — you’re sure as heck not going to remember any of it once this technology becomes real.
Guys: are you a self-involved big-city dweller who spends an awful lot of time on social networking sites? Are you naive enough to believe anything you’re told by someone online?
Gals: are you really cagey about meeting people in real life? Do you prefer to speak over the phone when you’re revealing details about your highly improbable life story?
If so, you might be Nev and ‘Megan’ from Catfish!Your friends might wonder why you’ve never met in real life, but you really have to ignore them if you want your relationship to continue flourishing. Guys: make sure you don’t ask her any tough questions. Ever. Even if there are glaring logical inconsistencies with your girl’s back story, just ignore them, okay? Ignore them forever.
Gals: are you a sensitive, irrepressibly passionate woman who enjoys creating things with your own hands?
Guys: are you dead?
If so, you might be Sam and Molly from Ghost!Guys: for an über-romantic Valentine’s Day surprise, possess the body of your sassy African-American friend and take your girl for a night out on the town! If you’re stuck for fun couple-y activities to do, why not hunt down the man that killed you and impale him on a piece of jagged glass?
Guys: are you a successful business professional who makes a living purchasing companies and selling the parts off piecemeal?
Gals: Did you move to the big city with dreams of success only to find yourself doing an unpleasant job to make ends meet before being whisked away by an older gentleman?
If so, you might be Edward and Vivian from Pretty Woman! Congratulations – you are pretty much in a fairy tale relationship, with exception of the fact you’ll have to make up a new story to tell your grandkids. But at least you’ll all be rich, right?
Guys: are you a devoted family man with an occasional tendency for adultery?
Gals: are you a strong-willed, attractive professional with little care for animal welfare? Do you NEVER take ‘no’ for an answer? If your partner ever left you, would you totally ‘lose it’?
If so, you might be Dan and Alex from Fatal Attraction! And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. It just means that your relationship is very passionate.
(psst… Hey! Men! Listen… You really need to leave the country. Like, now. This chick might be totally crazy. She could very well murder you. I know a guy who can make a new passport for a thousand quid. DM me on Twitter for details. Good luck.)
If you’re looking to stay in and watch a film on Valentine’s Day, why not check out our Hopelessly in Love Collection for some of our favourite movie romances.
If you’re not into all those sickly-sweet ‘chick flicks’, we’re got our Hopeless at Love collection where you’ll find pictures with a darker view of romance!
Bryan Singer, once known for directing great films like The Usual Suspects and X-Men 2 has seemingly announced the latest, suicidal phase of his career. Having somewhat missed the mark with his Superman re-boot, he signed onto this action-adventure about a boy who climbs up a tree.
Originally slated for a release in Summer 2012, Warner Brothers pushed the opening date back by nine entire months. In the film industry, this is never a good omen. It’s usually a sign that the studio has demanded significant re-writes, re-shoots and/or re-edits. If the trailer is their attempt at showcasing their best footage, then they are in some real trouble.
From the awful CGI giants to the painfully generic medieval CGI setting, there’s nothing exceptional in this trailer at all. Even Nicholas Hoult –the About a Boy star who had started to forge a career as a decent actor– looks positively lost amongst all the CG. He seems less like the seasoned performer he is and more like the popular kid who’s been cast in the school play to boost ticket sales. If this doesn’t set his career back by years, we’ll be genuinely surprised.
This preview has all of the tropes of modern trailers including the Inception horn, a couple of ‘funny’ bits and the ‘big moment’ where we hear the giants say ‘Fee-fi-fo-fum” as if the producers expected fairy tale super-fans to hit the online message boards and go “OMGZZZ!! THEY TOTALLY WENT THERE!”