Merry Monday, everybody! In the run-up to Christmas, everybody’s New Releases bucket is looking a little empty but what we lack in quantity, we make up for in sheer quality!
Ice Age 4: Continental Drift
The prehistoric gang from the Ice Age movies are back! And this time, they’re running an illegal underground racing syndicate getting tangled up with pirates! When they’re set adrift on a floating iceberg, they encounter a gang of swashbuckling animals who have apparently managed to fashion cutlasses out of fish-bones and coral, thereby undoing everything we know about evolutionary history. But, you know, kids probably aren’t as pedantic as we are.
Keith Lemon: The Film
Hoping to follow in the footsteps of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Ali G In Da House or Mitchell and Webb’s The Magicians, comedian Leigh Francis brings his second-or-third most popular character to the big screen! Join the bawdy Northern entrepreneur as he tries to market his brand new invention, the Lemon Phone. Keith Lemon: The Film will undoubtedly delight fans of his TV programme with celebrity cameos galore and plenty of references to things being ‘bang tidy’.
The Expendables 2
Misters are doin’ it for themselves again with this sequel to 2010’s action throwback, The Expendables. Now packed with even more 80s action icons and high octane gunfights, expect appearances from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jean Claude Van Damme and mythical hardman Chuck Norris (who is capable of strangling his enemies with a cordless phone, if you believe his hype). Throw in a Jason Statham and a Dolph Lundgren and you’ve got yourselves an explosive party, baby!
All American College Orgy
Billed as ‘the perfect mix of American Pie and Big Bang Theory’, the trailer to All-American College orgy is short on plot details and heavy on bikini girls and muscled frat boys jumping into swimming pools. Made by and starring no one we’ve ever heard of, All-American College Orgy could very well be a masterpiece: the On the Road of our generation, examining middle-class suburban apathy in an age of unfettered entitlement. We haven’t seen it though, so we can’t be absolutely certain.