blinkbox blog: Movie blog & reviews

Steve McQueen (not that one) and Michael Fassbender and follow up their highly-acclaimed film Hunger with this remarkable portrait of a sex addict in Shame. The Fass plays Brendan, an executive at a finance firm who seems to have it all: good looks, decent money and his pick of the ladies. But under his cool and calm exterior lies a man whose life is dominated by his crippling addiction to sex. We see him bring assorted women home from bars, soliciting prostitutes and filling his work computer with mounds and mounds of pornography. He exerts a herculean level of effort to conceal this fact from his co-workers. But when his lounge-singer sister (Carey Mulligan) rocks into town, Brendan’s precarious balancing act is completely thrown off, threatening the empty life he’s built for himself.

2011 was Fassbender’s big year and Shame may very well have been his best performance, deserving of all the plaudits he’s been getting since the film launched at the Venice Festival. He’s able to balance lust and anguish in a way that makes his condition seem real and unbearable. Carey Mulligan also shines as his vulnerable sister: one central scene finds her performing at an upmarket bar, singing a slow, aching rendition of New York, New York. As the camera hovers over her face in close up, we’re reminded again why Mulligan is  considered one of the finest young actresses of her generation. Director McQueen also confirms his position as an enormously exciting talent. His sensibility towards small-scale visual storytelling marries beautifully with the sordid material: he’s able to squeeze more meaning out of a single glance than some directors with far greater experience.

Shame is not a movie I recommend you see with a date or with the family. There’s some full frontal nudity and a few explicit sex scenes that would make that experience very awkward. But if you’re willing to spend a quiet evening in the company of a man on the edge, I think you’ll find this a beautiful, compelling experience.

As Paula Abdul once proved with an animated cat, opposites do attract. This truth remains the same whether you’re talking about electrical charges, personal relationships or indeed movie partners. Think about it: Felix and Oscar, Shrek and Donkey, Buzz and Woody, Woody Allen and whatever pretty young thing he’s cast opposite himself. If you see two people on screen who don’t look like they should belong together, chances are you’ll see sparks fly by the end of the movie.

After all, drama is conflict – audiences will not flock to the cinema to see the pleasant story of people getting along, free from obstacles. Let us, for a moment, imagine a movie in which there was no conflict, one in which all the characters were on the same page and were in complete agreement:

Fade in:

Int. Police Station – Evening

DET. FRANCIS enters through COMMISSIONER Peterson’s office door.

 

COMMISSIONER

Ah yes, Francis. I wanted to speak to you.

DET. FRANCIS

What was it, Chief?

COMMISSIONER

You have been doing good work. I agree with and completely

endorse your unusual methods for getting results.

And so does the mayor.

DET. FRANCIS

Thank you very much, sir.

COMMISSIONER

Would you like a promotion?

DET. FRANCIS

Yes, please sir.

COMMISSIONER

Susan!

His secretary pokes her head through the door,

 COMMISSIONER (cont’d)

Give Francis a raise.

SUSAN nods wordlessly and exits

COMMISSIONER (cont’d)

Thank you for bringing crime levels down to zero percent, Francis

DET. FRANCIS

You’re welcome, sir. It’s my duty.

 

Cut to:

CREDITS

 

Although this is an immaculately written vignette, complete with rounded characters and full of nuance (and by the way: if any producers are reading this, I am available to punch-up your screenplay), the absence of conflict means that the story never really comes off the page. If this movie ever made it into the cinemas, it would almost certainly tank at the box office.

 

So, let’s revisit this scene with a minor addition of interpersonal conflict.

 

Int. Police Station – Evening

 

DET. FRANCIS enters through COMMISSIONER Peterson’s office door.

 

COMMISSIONER

Ah yes, Francis. I wanted to speak to you.

DET. FRANCIS

What was it, Chief?

COMMISSIONER

You have been doing terrible work! Your unorthodox

ways of getting things done really rubs me the

wrong way. Not to mention they’re highly illegal.

DET. FRANCIS

Stuff you, Chief! I don’t need your approval.

COMMISSIONER

Yes you do! You’re suspended! Susan!!

His secretary pokes her head through the door.

 

 COMMISSIONER (cont’d)

Take Detective Francis’ gun and shield!

 Susan nods wordlessly and exits.

 

DET. FRANCIS

I can tell you this, boss: this isn’t

gonna go down well with the team.

COMMISSIONER

What team?

Sudden, an enormous explosion RIPS through the office. Bricks and wood panelling fly everywhere, sending the COMMISSIONER crashing to the floor.

 

IRON MAN(from off screen)

This team.

Through the settling dust walks in IRON MAN, HARRY POTTER, DARTH VADER and KATNISS EVERDEEN from The Hungry Games. Sparks are flying and they are backlit in a way that makes them look really cool. They hold their poses for a moment to let the audience erupt in applause.

  Smash cut to:

MORE EXPLOSIONS

 

See? By giving the characters of Francis and The Commish^TM differing viewpoints and personalities, we’ve lit the powderkeg of cinema and turned this commercial dud into box-office gold!

 

So to celebrate our love of movie odd couples, let’s take a trip down memory lane and check out some of our favourite film frenemies.

 

Eddie Murphy/Ben Stiller: Tower Heist

We could have made an entire list of movies where Eddie Murphy plays one side of an odd couple. With his wise-cracking ‘urban’ style, movie studios in the 80s made millions from pitching Murphy opposite squares played by Dan Ackroyd, Nick Nolte and Judge Reinhold. We’ve chosen Tower Heist mainly because it marks the first time Murphy has starred opposite Ben Stiller who himself is an Odd Couple Hall of Famer (Meet the Parents, Along Came Polly, Zoolander). Stiller is the building manager of a luxury high-rise tower. When all his staff loses their pensions in a Ponzi scheme run by their prize tenant, uptight Stiller has to team up with Eddie Murphy’s petty criminal to steal their money back. Having squandered the last half of his career playing multiple characters in terrible comedies, this is a nice little opportunity for Murphy to do what he does best: wind up squares

 

Christopher Reeve/Christopher Reeve – Superman 3

Speaking of odd bunches; Warner Bros’ Superman series is a real melting pot of strange. The first Superman directed by Richard Donner was critically and financially successful, as was its sequel that was finished by Hard Day’s Night director Richard Lester.  Having struck gold, the executives suddenly started to believe that they were Superman and that they could make absolutely anything and people would flock to see it. Largely consigning The Man of Steel to a b-story in which he returns to Smallville and romances his ex-girlfriend Lana Lang, the plot of Superman 3 finds conman Richard Pryor managing to bungle his way into helping Robert Vaughn’s evil millionaire become richer, or something. There is a subplot that features The Man of Tomorrow splitting into two halves (don’t ask) with one being good Clark Kent and the other being bad Superman – whose evil was shown through his alcoholic streak. We won’t lie to you: this is a terrible movie, but it’s a terrible movie that’s a lot of fun to watch.

 

Han Solo/Luke Skywalker – Star Wars

This is a classic case of too many heroes! Luke Skywalker was ostensibly the hero of Star Wars: he travelled across the universe to help a woman in distress, selflessly volunteered to fly into the Death Star and totally made out with sister. He was the All-American hero (or should we say ‘Pan-Tatooine champion’?) However, it was Han Solo, with all his swaggering style and mile-wide mercenary streak that caught the imagination of boys and girls the world over. Luke might’ve had a lightsaber, but Han had an awesome ship and talking dog for a friend. No contest.

 

Mel Gibson/Danny Glover – Lethal Weapon

As Roger Murtaugh reminds us in every entry of this series, he is too old for this s**t. The s**t that he’s referring to is the antics of his loose cannon partner Martin Riggs. Although they can’t stand each other at the beginning, they soon learn to develop a mutual respect. Suggested bonding exercises include sharing a bath to avoid a toilet bomb, chasing down racist South African diplomats and ragging on Joe Pesci. Lethal Weapon also gets extra points for bucking the 80s trend of insisting that the white character play the straight man, casting Danny Glover in the role of the eternally retiring Murtaugh.

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger/Danny DeVito  - Twins

Mr Freeze and the Penguin are brothers! When you put it like that, this movie makes total sense! Seperated at birth after they were conceived as part of a genetic experiment, the sibling have gone on to live different lives: Arnold is a highly educated, though naive, beefcake while DeVito has turned into a small, crass conman with an eye for the ladies. With this set-up, it is needless to say that hilarity will ensue. For your viewing pleasure: Arnold sings!

The Expendables: The ultimate action movie mash-up that every didn’t know they wanted crashed onto the big screen 2 years ago, bringing us a super team that include Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li and Mickey Rourke. With a sequel being released this summer that sees Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris join the gang, there’s no better time to catch up on the first film. The story loosely involves a job to depose (read: assassinate) South American dictator. but it really doesn’t matter if you don’t pay attention to the plot. With one-on-one match ups between the Expendables and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, Gary Daniels and Eric Roberts, you definitely won’t be complaining that there wasn’t enough action. If you haven’t seen this, it’s worth checking out. After all, any film in which Jason Statham’s character is named Lee Christmas can’t be half bad.

 

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: On the long road from Los Angeles County Jail to being the Box-Office King of the World, Robert Downey Jr. starred in this hilarious, noir-ish detective thriller by Shane Black, the writer of Lethal Weapon. In the slightly complicated story, RDJ plays a petty criminal who is accidentally cast as the lead in a film, leading him to become embroiled in a kidnapping and murder conspiracy. He teams up with Val Kilmer’s appropriately-named P.I., Gay Perry and they’re quickly off to the races in a darkly funny romp. Director Black and Downey will be reunited for next year’s Iron Man 3, so why not check out the first submission from this quirky cinematic dream team.

 

Die Hard 4.0: After having saved an entire building from Terrorists, an Airport from Terrorists and New York City from terrorists, you would have thought that John McClane (Bruce Willis) would have been promoted or given a medal or something. But thankfully, he’s still on the beat protecting fair citizens from the icy grip of cyber terrorist Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant), who’s hatched a plan to hack the internet.  It might feature the most ridiculous action sequences of any Die Hard (especially the bit where McClane takes down a helicopter using a car) but Willis remains the godfather of working-class action heroes. More importantly, any movie with ‘Die Hard’ in the title will always make for essential viewing. That is, of course, unless it’s the 1990 erotic action-comedy Hard to Die.

 

Who is the world’s greatest director? Answer 1:  Filmmaking is an art and therefore cannot be ranked in terms of greatness, so: no one.

Answer 2: Filmmaking is a business; it is popular culture and one of the most accessible of all contemporary arts. And he who has made the most money, entertained the greatest amount of people, exposed his art to the widest audience in the world is logically the world’s greatest director: and that man is Steven Spielberg.

In the way that the name Cecil B DeMille used to be synonymous with the word ‘director’, Spielberg is often the first name that comes to mind when they think of a film director. There is perhaps no-one who has done more to shape the landscape of Hollywood in the past few decades, creating a brand for himself and defining the very nature blockbuster film-making.

Raised in an orthodox Jewish family in New Jersey, Arizona and California, Spielberg grew up making movies from a young age, shooting films on the cheap. Like the kids in JJ Abrams’ Super 8 (a film for which he was not only the producer but a key influence), he made his first feature with a budget of $500, a science-fiction picture in which his sister played the lead role.

The story of how Spielberg got his break into Hollywood is still wrapped up in myths and folklore: according to some sources, he simply walked on to the Universal lot wearing his father’s suit and tie, commandeering an office and personally adding his name to the studio directory. Though this account is disputed by many, Spielberg did manage to score a job directing a Rod Serling pilot at the tender age of 22.

After a few years calling the shots on TV dramas including a popular episode of Columbo, he was given the keys to his own Movie of the Week. Duel starred Dennis Weaver as a commuter who is terrorised on the highway by the mysterious, unseen driver of an enormous rusty truck. Even though shot with a television budget, Duel remains an enormously cinematic chase movie that shows off many of Spielberg’s visual trademarks.

On the back of his mildly received theatrical debut The Sugarland Express (a road movie starring a very young Goldie Hawn), Spielberg was hired to direct the adaptation of Peter Benchley’s bestselling novel Jaws. Although the shoot was a legendary debacle that went over-schedule and over-budget, Jaws was one of Hollywood’s first genuine blockbusters, quickly becoming the must-see movie of the summer and smashing the box office record which it held on to until a small picture called Star Wars eclipsed it in 1977.

With his new-found Hollywood clout Spielberg could not be stopped, following the success of Jaws with classics like Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Raiders of the Lost Ark and ET (ignoring the all-star comedy curio that was 1941). Whereas the 70s were defined by American auteurs like Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese, the 80s belonged to Spielberg. His influence had become so enormous that he started producing films that shared his fun, commercial sensibility and focused on character as well as spectacle. Unquestionable, without the ‘berg we wouldn’t have Marty McFly, Gremlins, Indiana Jones or The Goonies.

His output from the mid-eighties started to show a taste for more mature subject matters: The Color Purple was a controversial drama dealing with complex social issues of race, gender and sexuality while Empire of the Sun was an adaptation of JG Ballard’s memoirs set in a Japanese prison camp (“P-51! Cadillac of the sky!”). And of course, there was Schindler’s List, Spielberg’s best-known ‘serious film’; the one that finally saw him take home an Oscar for best director.

But with all success comes the inevitable backlash and Spielberg has had no shortage of detractors throughout his career. His critics have often accused him of being overly sentimental, often over-egging John Williams’ scores to lead the audience’s emotions. He also uses very similar shots to create a sense of innocent wonder, as was pointed out in a recent viral video essay. His weightier films have also often taken dark subject matters and found ways to make them palatable, leaving little space for nuance. Stanley Kubrick once levelled that Schindler’s List didn’t work because of Spielberg’s need for an uplifting message: “Think that’s about the Holocaust? That was about success, wasn’t it? The Holocaust is about six million people who get killed. Schindler’s List is about 600 who don’t. Anything else?”

Perhaps this is the case, but it could also be valid to suggest that Spielberg managed to film an important slice of 20^th Century history in a way that would reach a large audience. With the profits from Schindler’s List, Spielberg was able to establish the Shoah Foundation, an organisation dedicated the remembrance of the holocaust through their recorded testimonies of survivors.

No one would suggest he’s an auteur in the way that Godard was or Scorsese is, but there are certain recurring motifs in Spielberg’s films: broken families figure into the back stories of characters in Close Encounters, ET and Indiana Jones, with the suggestion that this absence of parental figures stems from his own strained relationship with his father.  But even in the absence of any singular thematic strand to his filmography, Spielberg still remains one of the most technically gifted filmmakers, utilising long sweeping takes and complicated stage direction to avoid heavy cutting where possible. Spielberg’s films have a very distinct visual thumbprint that owes a lot to traditional Hollywood film-making while always managing to remain cutting edge.

His next project is an Abraham Lincoln biopic starring Daniel Day-Lewis is due at the end of this year, making it the third Steven Spielberg joint of 2012 after War Horse and Tintin. Showing no signs of slowing down, only a fool would bet against him directing another classic film sometime in the near future. We just hope it’s not another Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls.

 

Spielberg’s Pick Six

Jurassic Park: Dinosaurs have taken over the park! It was made back in 1994, but the special effects haven’t aged a day. JP is unquestionably the greatest dinosaur movie ever made, bringing endless Velociraptors memes like Raptor Jesus and Michael Buble Being Stalked by a Raptor.

Catch Me If You Can: Leonardo DiCaprio stars as a teenage conman in this adventure flick based on a true story. Posing as an airline pilot, a lawyer and a doctor, Frank Abagnale (DiCaprio) cuts forged checks all across America while evading a persistent FBI agent (Tom Hanks).

War Horse: The Great Bearded One rides into battle again, adapting the beloved stage play of the same name. A young farm horse is taken away from his family and sent on a journey across war-torn Europe, touching the hearts of soldiers and civilians alike. With an all star British cast that includes Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Peter Mullan, Emily Watson, Eddie Marsan and David Thewlis, you’d think this was a Harry Potter movie – the one with loads of dead horses in it. Spoiler alert!

Saving Private Ryan: The first 27 minutes of Saving Private Ryan is considered to be the best depiction of the D-Day landings ever committed to film. In fact, that sequence is so good, that it can’t help but overshadow the story that comes after in which Tom Hanks’ Army captain leads a unit to search for one Private James Ryan (Matt Damon), the last surviving brother of four enlisted soldiers. It’s easy to forget that Paul Giamatti, Ted Danson, Nathan Fillion and Vin Diesel have parts in this movie but with a story this graphic, who’s got time to wonder what Sam from Cheers is doing in Normandy?

The Terminal: Tom Hanks is an Eastern European traveller who gets stuck in the transit lounge of New York’s JFK Airport when his home country suddenly undergoes a revolution. Unable to speak the language, Hanks adapts to life in an airport, befriending the staff and falling for stewardess Catherine Zeta-Jones. It would’ve never worked out between them in real life – he’s way too young for her.

Tintin: Billed as an adventure in the same vein as Indiana Jones, Spielberg’s first animated feature sees the intrepid boy hunt for Red Rackham’s treasure. Also along for the ride: Tintin’s trusty terrier Snowy and the functioning alcoholic Captain Haddock.  The screenplay was originally penned by Doctor Who scribe Stephen Moffat, but Joe Cornish and Edgar Wright were brought in for additional drafts, presumably removing all mentions of sonic screwdrivers.

It’s been thirteen years since we were introduced to Jim, Oz, Finch, Stifler and their boring friend Kevin. The original American Pie saw this tight group of friends make a pact to lose their virginity before their high school graduation. It was arguably the iconic film of its time, tapping into the concerns and obsessions of teenagers (namely sex) and exploring them from very funny, frequently gross and unexpectedly sweet angles. In the years since, its sequels have seen the gang reunite for a holiday, for a wedding, and now, we’re invited to their 13 year high school reunion.

We catch up with Jim and Michelle, (Jason Biggs and Alyson Hannigan) whose relationship is starting to show its cracks under the pressure of parenthood; former jock Oz (Chris Klein) is now a celebrity sportscaster with a supermodel girlfriend; Stifler (Seann William Scott) is an entry level office drone who lives under the thumb of his Napoleonic boss; super-snob Finch arrives aboard a motorbike and seems to be the most thoroughly travelled of the lost; and the boring one has gone on to become something unmemorable. Though they’ve spent years apart, the one common thing that unites them all is their disappointment at where they’ve arrived in life.

For a movie replete with sex gags and poop jokes, Reunion has a strangely poignant story that will likely resonate with fans of the series. All of them have responsibilities to jobs, spouses and/or children and they can’t have fun like they used to and allow themselves. Those who caught the original in your teens will now be approaching your early thirties and will probably share many of the characters’ regrets. Unless you’ve happened to achieve everything you’ve intended to in the last decade, in which case: I hate you.

Comedy sequels commonly fall into the same trap: every sequence that was successful in the original will be repeated, mutated or heavily referenced. The Austin Powers and Meet the Parents movies are particularly egregious offenders and to a certain extent, so are the American Pie movies. Of course there will be a sequence where Jim will be caught in the act of doing something embarrassing; there will also be a moment when Stifler releases waste in a place where he shouldn’t; John Cho will almost certainly make an appearance to reaffirm his appreciation for MILFs. But there’s something forgivable about he rehashed elements in Reunion. The movie is rooted in the idea that revisiting old ideas and places is something to be feel nostalgic and perhaps a little sad about.  On top of that, the writing is solid and the entire cast of actors are still very capable of being hilarious (minus the boring one, Kevin, who is still dull). Seann William Scott deserves an individual shout-out: revisiting this role after Role Models, Goon and his numerous supporting turns in other comedies, we can see how very specific Stifler is as ‘the annoying party guy’ character.

If you have never seen an American Pie movie in your life, this would not be a good place to start; but for those who have loved or just enjoyed the series, we can solidly recommend that you attend this particular reunion.

Pray for Meryl Streep.

Never before has there been an actor so stricken with terrible luck as she has throughout her four-decade film career. Though showered with accolades for every performance she gives, the 61-year old star of The Deer Hunter and Manhattan has rarely ever ended up in the movie she thought she was making. “What the studios are doing to me is completely unforgivable,” Streep could have said recently in a private conversation. “Now, I love big movies. Absolutely love ‘em– they’re the kind of films I grew up with in New Jersey; the movies that made me want to become an actress,” the Academy Award-winning thespian probably said, elaborating on her early influences: “Every Saturday, my mother would take me to the movies and I’d stare up at the screen watching classics like Tarantula, The Fly, Godzilla and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla  where Godzilla faces off against a giant robotic version of himself made by ape aliens from beyond the black hole,” she may have said, staring longingly into the middle distance.

“I just want to be in a summer tent pole feature! I think I’ve earned that right. How could they do this to me?” cried the critically-acclaimed star of The River Wild, presumably, smashing her wine glass against a nearby vase, sending claret flying across the floor of her penthouse in New York’s Upper East Side.

She, of course, is referring to the recent, much-publicised Thatcher debacle. Long-planned as a reboot of the Robocop franchise, The Iron Lady would have seen the Kramer vs. Kramer star as a brutally murdered Detroit cop who is rebuilt into the ultimate crime-fighting machine. Originally budgeted at $120 million, production costs more than doubled in post-production after early screenings drew lukewarm test scores, driving studio executives to convert the project into a biography of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The film was digitally altered frame-by-frame, replacing the dystopian industrial backdrops with images of parliament and English sitting rooms.

“Why did anybody go watch that movie in the end? It’s just about some old woman talking to old men,” Streep might have said, “I mean: winning an Oscar is fine – but I wanted to be a robot police officer! Is that too much to ask for?”

This was not the first time studio tampering has resulted in the whole-scale massacre of her movie. “I still can’t get over the fact that my action scenes in Sophie’s Choice didn’t make the final cut! I spent six months training for the sequence where Sophie storms Auschwitz, tackling SS Officers armed with nothing more than her bare hands and a decade’s experience in Krav Maga. That was supposed to be the entire third act!” she was likely to have screamed.

At this point, Streep would doubtlessly have been calmed down by a visiting house guest (one can only assume Glenn Close). “You’ll have to excuse her,” the erstwhile Albert Nobbs possibly uttered, “It’s been a rough couple of years: she hasn’t been the same since Julie and Julia,” referring to the Streep’s 2009 Oscar-nominated comedy/drama,  “She was so very much looking forward to starring as by-the-book New York policewoman Barbara Julie opposite Amy Adams’ maverick FBI operative, Special Agent Jenny Julia. How they managed to cobble together a Julia Child biopic out of the footage is still a mystery to us all.”

Padding a handkerchief under her moist eyes, the star of Broadway’s hit musical Sunset Boulevard would have continued: “When District 9 came out a few years back she fell into a deep depression. Out of Africa with Bob Redford was supposed to be about a wealthy white woman in Africa who tries to help a race of extra-terrestrial space lobsters living in a refugee camp. Management convinced her that nobody would believe the story and they ended up making it about her falling in love or some crap – I really don’t know; I haven’t seen it and I don’t think Meryl has either.”

“Now, if you would excuse us: she really needs to get her rest,” Close said, in all probability, absentmindedly resting her hand around one of Streep’s Oscars.

 

Streep, Re-Cut: Other Meryl Movie Fiascos

The Devil Wears Prada

Streep signed on to The Devil Wears Prada under the impression that it was a supernatural action-comedy in which she played Satan opposite Anne Hathaway’s newbie demonic intern. The film was shot entirely in front of a green screen with British impressionist hired to Ronni Ancona re-record all of Streep’s dialogue in post-production. “I wondered why David [Frankel, director] had me turn my back to the camera whenever I mentioned that I was the devil or that we were in the capital city of Hell. I guess this was their plan all along.”

 

It’s Complicated

Originally penned as a edgy, satirical, science-fiction take on the romantic comedy genre, early cuts of this film (under the working title It’s Cloneplicated) involved a love triangle between an architect (Steve Martin), a bakery entrepreneur (Streep) and her South Korean lab-created clone. But once more, The Streep Curse struck again: although she was eager to play opposite herself in a film, international distributors balked at the prospect of the all-Streep sex scenes and quick adjustments were made, resulting in the last-minute casting of Alec Baldwin.  By the time the film made it to the cinemas, director Nancy Meyers ended up excising all references to clones and with it a good five minutes of solid onanism gags. Despite her best intentions, Streep ended up in yet another gentle comedy targeted at women over 40.

 

Mamma Mia!

One of Streep’s more ambitious stabs at the science-fiction/horror genre, Mamma Mia’s shooting script was a sequel to the 1993 mega-flop Super Mario Bros. Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo were on board to reprise their pseudo-iconic roles as the garrulous Italian plumbers, saving Streep’s Princess Peach from the clutches of the Goombas, a race of dinosaur-like creatures. When an production assistant casually commented that Mamma Mia! was also the title of a hit musical featuring the music of ABBA, the producers quickly lost their resolve. They commissioned an on-set rewrite, brought in a blatantly disparate cast and sent Hoskins and Leguizamo packing. “It’s a real shame about that,” Hoskins said in a recent interview with Metro, “But I feel really bad for Mezza [Streep]. She was really chuffed about getting to run away from those dinosaur puppets. She would come back from every take, screaming with joy, saying how real they looked. I’ve never seen a woman so happy. She must’ve been gutted when they finally told her.”

 

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Contagion

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice…

Robert Frost was never a virologist or he would’ve included the line ‘or perhaps everyone will contract a disease that reduces their organs to dust’. The most plausible disaster film in our list (or perhaps ever), Steven Soderbergh’s viral thriller is a chillingly visceral look at how the world would react if we were ever faced with a global pandemic. The all-star cast list featuring Matt Damon and Kate Winslet is solid, providing a believable human core to what could easily have been a by-the-numbers disaster. With every cough and sniffle onscreen presenting as deadly a threat as any serial killer’s tainted syringe, Contagion will leave you paranoid the next time anyone sneezes on the public bus.

 

Cowboys & Aliens

From director Jon Favreau (Iron Man) and executive producer Steven Spielberg comes this Western/Science-Fiction that sees Daniel Craig’s Man with No Name take on a hoard of alien invaders. With a premise is entirely summed up by its title, Cowboys & Aliens delivers in spades pitting flying monsters and lasers against Winchester rifles and ol’ fashioned dynamite. Harrison Ford, whose work over the last decade has been defined by his steadfast refusal to try too hard, seems to actually give half a damn in his performance as the ruthless cattle baron who teams up with Craig to save his family. The film starts slowly, never really convincing us in its attempt to portray a dusty Western town, but when the aliens arrive, the action comes thick and fast. There’s nothing ground-breaking or particularly original, but it is a fun popcorn movie that you can easily enjoy with a group of friends.

 

I am Legend

Hugely influential and often remade, Twilight Zone scribe Richard Matheson’s enduring sci-fi story gets a fresh spin for the new Willennium. After a virus turns the world’s population into cannibalistic vampires/zombies, esteemed virologist Will Smith is left as the last man in New York City. The first two thirds of the movie are enormously compelling, as we follow Smith’s daily routine on the abandoned streets of Manhattan. We see him trying to cope with the solitude, maintaining the little that remains of his old life,  all whilst keeping an eye on the shadows, where the creatures bide their time, waiting for him.

The third act moves in a more conventionally Hollywood direction that lacks the conviction that runs through the rest of the story. Still — Smith, as always, is a charismatic lead and the film’s tension is built genuinely and organically. It’s disappointing to see a movie come so close to greatness only to falter at the last lap, but there’s enough goodness in the movie to have us firmly recommend I Am Legend.

 

Poseidon

Director Wolfgang Petersen is arguably the go-to-guy for making thrillers in confined-spaces (preferably in the ocean). Having helmed the deep-sea fishing tragedy The Perfect Storm and Das Boot, a genuine cinema classic set on a Nazi U-Boat, Petersen is the perfect choice to remake 1972’s disaster blockbuster The Poseidon Adventure. On New Year’s Eve a luxury ocean liner is hit by a ‘rogue wave’ which capsizes the entire ship. Former New York Mayor Kurt Russell has to lead a motley crew of survivors through the labyrinthine death trap that is an upside-down cruise ship, finding ways to escape before the vessel ends up on the ocean floor. As a story, Poseidon is completely daffy but Russell evergreen charm and the great upside-down sets helps it become a solid throwback action film in the vein of The Towering Inferno, Daylight or Titanic.

NB: Sharp-eyed viewers may recognise Johnny Drama from Entourage and Fergie ‘Black Eye’ LoPeaz in supporting roles!

 

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Marvel’s greatest heroes hit the big screen this week, saving the people of Earth from an alien holocaust. With their extraordinary powers and abilities, The Avengers are an awesome fighting unit, capable of taking on almost any adversary. But are they the best we can get? Are Iron Man, Captain America and Thor really the greatest warriors on Earth?

Our agents at B.L.I.N.K.B.O.X. have spent months combing through all the potential candidates and assembled what we believe to be the definitive super-team: a crack unit designed to take on even the most overwhelming of invading forces. Culled from all corners of society, they are our best and only hope. We call this team… THE LOVELY DOCTOR SMASH*

Let’s take a moment to look through our blinkbox trading cards and see how Marvel’s Avengers would stack up against our own super-team.

*Naming rights to our team were actually given away in a promotional facebook raffle. So, congratulations to 13 year-old Gemma from Sevenoaks for that legally-binding submission.

Leaders

Steve Rogers: Captain America

Thanks to a top secret experimental government program, plucky weakling Steve Rogers is transformed into Captain America: WWII’s finest super-soldier. Frozen in the 40s and thawed out in modern day, his powers include: increased strength, speed and agility, unparalleled tactical prowess and good ol’ fashioned American manners.

Weaknesses: Poor grasp of modern idiomatic English; cannot use e-mail.

 

 

 

Maj. Alan “Dutch” Schaefer

An elite commando as well and a veteran of the Vietnam War, the conspicuously accented “Dutch” isn’t your run-of-the-mill, pencil-pushing CIA operative. With a track record of effectively engaging and destroying enemies of human and alien origin, Maj. Schaefer will prove invaluable in leading your team. His detractors will suggest that allowing his previous squad to be picked off one-by-one by an extra-terrestrial hunter shows bad form, but they always fail to remember that Dutch killed the predator and got the girl in the end — which is the only thing that matters.

Rest assured: if it bleeds, he can kill it.

 

 

Gods

Thor

Armed with the legendary hammer Mjolnir, the son of Odin is one of the mightiest heroes of this world or any other. Possessing the strength of a god and the grammar of a haughty classics professor, Thor can simultaneously delight women and intimidate enemies with his luscious blonde locks and big buff-man arms.

 

NB. Despite being well in his twenties, Thor still lives at home with his parents.

 

 

Bruce Nolan

Who needs a statuesque Norse god when you can have local news presenter? Gifted with divine abilities by God himself, Bruce Nolan uses these powers to magically upgrade his car, blow up fire hydrants during montages and expand his girlfriend’s bust size without her consent. However childish, this behaviour gives a glimpse at how effective he would be in a combat situation: consider the damage he could inflict by driving a magical sports car over an alien’s head, exploding a fire hydrant right in Hitler’s face or increasing a terrorist’s bust size to the point where he can no longer leave his house. A chilling thought.

 

 

 

Artillery

Iron Man

Critically injured and kidnapped by terrorists, billionaire arms manufacturer Tony Stark escapes his captors by fashioning an armoured suit. As Iron Man, Stark possesses advanced strength, a fully stocked arsenal of weapons and the power of supersonic flight.

A veritable one-man-army, his few weaknesses include overconfidence, alcohol dependency and the weak, fleshy body hidden beneath his indestructible exoskeleton.

 

 

 

Astro Boy

Created by the government in the image of his inventor’s dead son, Astro Boy possesses all of Iron Man’s strength and none of his weaknesses: his senses are a thousand times keener than a regular boy’s, his jet legs allow him to fly and his arms can become cannons which, need I remind you, should never be operated by children unless under strict adult supervision.

His only foreseeable weakness lies with his age: legally, he can only fight for 3 hours a day before he needs to have a nap and his Capri-sun.

 

 

 

Rage-mongers

The Hulk

Bombarded with Gamma rays in an experiment gone wrong, whenever scientist Bruce Banner becomes angry, he turns into an invincible mass of rage simply known as The Hulk. Capable of leveling a city block within minutes, this jolly green giant can be deployed as a nuclear option in case of emergency. Unpredictable, uncontrollable and unstoppable, the only way The Hulk can be defeated is with a relaxing week in the country or by taking a jumbo-sized chill pill. Whatever the hell that is.

 

 

 

 Howard Beale

Q: What is the only thing more powerful than a Hulk?

A: The news media.

Possessing an origin story as compelling as that of any superhero, Howard Beale was the long-serving anchor of UBS’s Evening News. Informed of his imminent dismissal, he launches into a series of on-air rants, threatening suicide. His bombastic tirades result in record ratings, transforming Beale into… A Media Sensation. Within any super group, his influence will be key in galvanising public approval for their highly destructive urban battles. He can ensure that, at key moments, all innocent bystanders will begin chanting ‘U-S-A! U-S-A!’ in that way that seems to turn the tide at professional wrestling events.

 

Archers

Hawkeye

Forget Robin Hood and Katniss Everdeen: if you’re looking for an archer who always finds his target, SHIELD operative Clint Barton is the only man for the job. Armed with a quiver of high-tech novelty arrows, he can single-handedly take down an army at long range. His thin body armour may leave his arms exposed to gunfire but when the chips are down, Hawkeye’s aim is always true.

 

 

 

 

Kevin Katchadourian

Nurturing his passion for Robin Hood, Eva Katchadourian gifts her young son with a bow-and-arrow set. As he matures, Kevin becomes quite the competitive archer, capping his amateur career with a brutal massacre of his high school classmates. Sure, he’s a devious and calculating psychopath but if you want a serious discussion of deadly archers, we definitely need to talk about this kid’s phenomenal kill rate!

 

 

 

 

 

Femme Fatales

Black Widow

Former spy Natasha Romanoff might not be descended from the last Russian dynasty, but she certainly is a killer queen. As deadly with her hands as she is with her trademark duel pistols, Romanoff now plies her trade on the side of the angels, extracting information and ‘fixing’ sticky situation as an agent of SHIELD. If you’re planning a terrorist attack or a hostile takeover of the planet, don’t be surprised to find yourself sexily killed by the deadliest creature on Earth: The Black Widow.

 

 

 

Aileen Wuornos

If you like your lethal women a little bit on the homelier side, American Aileen Wuornos could be the girl of your dreams. Accused of murdering no fewer than 7 men between November 1989 and November 1990, she has made a name for herself in the traditionally male-dominated world of serial killing. Though handy with a pistol, Wuornos might run into trouble on the battlefield on account of her poor ammunition management: her third victim –a rodeo worker- was shot no less than seven times. When you’re fighting off invading hoards, you simply can’t afford to waste that many bullets!

 

 

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Let’s get this out of the way: Avengers Assemble* is a tremendous action picture. There are very few ways about it. Geek god Joss Whedon was given the exciting yet herculean task of making a $220m action blockbuster with the coolest bits of kit in the Marvel toy chest. Dealing with four main characters (each of whom have their own film franchises), writer/director Whedon could easily have turned this into an incoherent mess, paying lip service to minor heroes and ending up with a movie that was long and boring. Running at 142 minutes, Avengers Assemble is a long film, but the efficiency which which Whedon has structured and shot it means that the movie never flags.

Directly carrying on story strands from 2011’s Captain America and Thor, Avengers finds international security agency SHIELD trying to harness power from a glowing blue cube called the Tesseract. Loki, the baddie from Thor, breaks into a secure facility and steals the Tesseract with the intention of using it to take over the world. Such a threat means only one thing: SHIELD director Nick Fury (a cool, eye-patched Samuel L Jackson) must assemble an awesome team of heroes to fight Loki and recover the cube. On his wish-list are Captain America (Chris Evans), a scientifically enhanced war hero frozen at the height of WWII and thawed out in modern day; Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), a billionaire genius who also moonlights as Iron Man; Bruce Banner (Marvel newcomer Mark Ruffalo), a gifted scientist with a tendency to turn into the Incredible Hulk every time he gets a bit cranky; and Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the god-like thunder-warrior from a galaxy far, far away. Added into the mix are Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow, a former Russian spy with an excellent line in kicking butt and Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye, an expert marksman who manages to make a bow and arrow look like an appropriate weapon to use against soldiers with machines guns.

The first act is full of exposition, but as Whedon showed in Serenity, the 2005 adaptation of his cult TV show Firefly, he is a master when it comes to re-introducing familiar characters in awesome ways. Every character has their moment to shine, with Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark hogging many of the choice quips. Scarlett Johansson is also given a decent amount to do as the sole female member of the team. Introduced in the Iron Man sequel, she was pitched as little more than eye-candy: all pistols and latex with very little by way of character, but here she becomes a cooler, more interesting character. It’s the same with all the characters: Whedon has quite a distinctively quirky style of dialogue that is funny but never feels out of characters. In fact, this could be the funniest ‘straight’ comic book movie ever made or perhaps even (whisper it) the best comic movie ever, full stop.

But as you may have heard already, the scenes with the Hulk are something special. This being the green giant’s third film appearance with as many lead actors assailing the role, the character has somewhat become Marvel’s whipping boy over the years and maybe for good reason. After all, there’s something intrinsically unsatisfying with most Hulk stories: while Banner’s primary motivation is to keep his temper in control and not become the Hulk, all the audiences want to see is the Hulk smashing things to bits. To have a main character whose desires are at cross-purposes to the story’s requirements can be quite infuriating. However, the way he is deployed in Avengers really makes the most of the character: he is a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment and that knowledge gives the middle section of movie a sense of palpable tension.

But when the cards are on the table at the end of the movie, the final act delivers like very few action blockbusters do. In a huge action set piece, the heroes finally gel and we are treated to a thrilling action-fest that sees each hero do some genuinely cool stuff. How many times have you seen an enormously expensive movie and wonder where did all the money go? In Avengers Assemble, it’s all up there on the screen.

 

*This is only the title in Britain, changed from The Avengers so as to avoid confusion when Mrs Peel and John Steed fail to turn up on screen.

 

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Iron Man

2008′s Iron Man is a movie that reinvented so much:

1) Robert Downey Jr.’s flagging career. Up until then, he was persona non grata in Hollywood, having repeatedly run into trouble with substance abuse and the law. He almost missed out on Iron Man on the basis that he couldn’t be insured. But now, Downey is arguably the biggest movie star in the world.

2) Director Jon Favreau. Previously known for writing small indie comedies (Swingers and Made, both co-starring his friend Vince Vaughn) Favreau showed that he could handle a blockbuster that didn’t drown out its main character under a barrage of special effects.

3) Comic book movies in general. Spider-Man found that movies could be very faithful to the comics and still make money; Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight proved that they could be dark and serious and still make money; Iron Man showed that they could have funny, quirky, character-driven stories and still make a shed-load of money. The pieces perfectly fall into place here, making Iron Man one of the most satisfying films in the Marvel canon.

 

Watchmen

Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ 1986 comic mini-series Watchmen is perhaps one of the most influential pieces of literature in modern times, changing the way people looked at comics: they weren’t just for kids or geeky virgins anymore but were capable of becoming serious pieces of art. Following a group of washed up superheroes long, Watchmen is, in part, an Incredibles-like look into the mundane aspects of being a costumed crusader and a meditation on the corruption of power. (Don’t worry; it’s not as heavy as that sentence made it sound) Stuck in development hell for over 2 decades, Watchmen was slated at various times to be directed by Terry Gilliam and Paul Greengrass, only to run into trouble with adapting Moore’s dense, elliptical narrative.

The version we have today, directed by 300’s Zack Snyder is very faithful adaptation indeed, reproducing certain portions of the comic frame-by-frame. Most of the time it really does works, with Snyder’s signature slow-mo action scenes accentuating the fantastic design of the film. It wasn’t an enormous hit at the box-office, perhaps in some part due to the story being very much of its time. In a age when nuclear threat is but a distant memory and the name Richard Nixon fails to inspire disgust and derision in your average movie-goer, Moore’s story was never going to hit home with a mass audience. Still, if you’re looking for a uniquely smart and beautiful superhero movie, you will want to see Watchmen.

 

The Dark Knight

Much like in 1989 Tim Burton version of Batman, The Joker steals the show in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight. Released after his tragic death, Heath Ledger’s take on the clown prince of crime was something to behold: anarchic, violent and utterly compelling, he completely blew Batman off the screen, both literally and figuratively. Filling out the top-drawer cast with Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and Aaron Eckhart, Dark Knight finds the Caped Crusader pitted against an enemy who wants nothing more than to see Gotham City burn to the ground.

The action scenes are explosive and assured with the heist in the prologue and a chase involving an articulated lorry providing particular highlights. There’s very little chance you haven’t seen this yet, but if you haven’t:  catch it now before the last of Nolan’s Dark Knight movies hits the cinemas this summer!

 

Super

There have been more than a few films in recent years that have asked the question what would it be like if a normal person decided to become a superhero? Kick-Ass had that same premise, as did Mystery Men, Unbreakable and the documentary Superheroes. But none of those movies are anywhere as dark and goofy as Super.

Written and directed by James Gunn, a Troma veteran and screenwriter for the excellent Dawn of the Dead remake, Super follows the story of Frank (Rainn Wilson), an awkward small-town man who transforms himself into The Crimson Bolt after his wife leaves him for a local drug dealer. He is soon joined by a young comic store employee (Ellen Page) in his misguided quest for justice. Whereas most comedies would see him humorously beaten by local thugs, The Crimson Bolt manages to inflict actual damage with his trademark weapon (a spanner), soon finding himself out of his league when faced with thugs carrying very real guns. Off-beat and frequently funny, Super reveals a very dark heart as we quickly realise that our heroes may not be medically sane. If that sounds like your cup of tea, you’ll enjoy this highly original indie take on the superhero genre.

V for Vendetta

Adapted from another graphic novel by British scribe Alan Moore (Northampton’s finest), V for Vendetta is set in a dystopian London ruled by a fascist government. Natalie Portman is Evey, a young woman who is swept up in the plans of a mysterious, masked figure known only as ‘V’. He plans to destroy the government through a personal campaign of terror and fire, inspiring a fearful public to stand up to their oppressors. Strangely enough, in recent years, the iconic Guy Fawkes mask used in the film has become a symbol of resistance from protest groups like anonymous and the Occupy Movement.

Although it’s much looser adaptation of Moore’s work than Watchmen, this film still has much to say. The source material is often seen as a critique of Thatcher’s Britain, while this screenplay written by The Wachowskis (The Matrix) sees a government that seeks to control personal and sexual mores in a way that echoes the current gay civil rights movement in America. The fact that Lana Wachowski (formerly Larry) has recently come out as being transgender suggest that this is a much more personal work than most straightforward comic book movies.

Fun bonus: watch out for a supporting performance by Stephen Fry as a TV host whose style of broadcasting suggests a Benny Hill/Melvyn Bragg hybrid!

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